You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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