Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
