just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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