My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
