why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
