He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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