Porn is love you can see.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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