we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
