if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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