Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
