I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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