i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
