found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
