Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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