We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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