Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
