Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
