I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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