obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
