I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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