Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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