I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
