I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
