six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
