I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
