please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
