help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
