Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
