Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
