TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
