Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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