I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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