wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
