Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
