Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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