his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
