he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
