you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
