i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
