I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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