3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
