I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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