Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
