He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
