I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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