Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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