just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
