guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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