You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
