Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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