I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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