Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
