its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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