I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
