HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Still dying that you shit outside
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
