dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
