Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
pray to the hookup gods
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
